Mastering Conflict Resolution Techniques

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Welcome back to C Seven One Five Made Simple: OB Success Without the Stress. I’m your host, Dr. Maryann Lamer, and today we’re getting straight into something I know causes leaders no shortage of headaches: conflict resolution. If you’ve listened to our last episode on navigating group dynamics, you’ll remember we talked a bit about conflict avoidance popping up in that storming phase—this time, we’re going head-on at what those conflicts are, why they happen, and, most importantly, how to handle them without losing your mind or your team’s trust.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

So, let’s talk about what actually sparks conflict at work. I mean, the obvious culprits—personality clashes, misunderstood emails, or someone believing they own every group project, right? But it goes deeper. Communication breakdowns are huge, and these days, the water is muddied even further by remote and hybrid setups. Fewer hallway chats mean not only fewer chances to accidentally step on a coworker’s toes but also fewer opportunities to build up goodwill. This means, when tension does pop up, there just isn’t enough “credit in the bank,” so to speak, for people to shrug it off.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Now, here’s where frameworks can help. A classic one—the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument—outlines five styles: competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising, and collaborating. And if I’m honest, I’ve probably cycled through all of them at various points in my career. Let’s break them down. "Competing" is all about winning—assertive and, let’s say, not big on cooperation. Then there's "avoiding," which is pretty much sticking your head in the sand and praying it goes away. "Accommodating" means letting others get their way to keep the peace. Then you’ve got "compromising"—think, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. And finally, "collaborating," which might sound like the holy grail: working cooperatively to find a win-win, though it can be tough—it takes time, effort, and frankly, patience we don’t always have.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Let me share a personal example—I always laugh about this in hindsight. Early in my management life, I had this new product launch project where ownership was hotly contested. The room was heating up, and my instinct back then? Accommodate, big time. I just wanted to diffuse the whole thing, so I let the louder voice win out. And guess what? The issue didn’t actually go away—it simmered, came up again, and ultimately hurt our group’s trust. That was a real wakeup call for me: sometimes, smoothing things over just means you’ve hit “snooze,” not “resolve.”

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Finding your own default style—and knowing when it works or when it just delays bigger problems—is key. Sometimes you’ve gotta compete when there’s a real business need, but there’s power in moving toward collaboration when it matters most.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Now, let’s talk about the practical side. Here’s the not-so-fun reality: nearly 56% of managers say they’re fully responsible for handling team conflict—but, and this is a big but, most admit they actually don’t feel prepared. I can absolutely remember those moments early on where I thought, “OK, I’ve got my MBA, I’ve read the theory, but what do I say to these two who are at each other’s throats?”

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Robbins and Judge—and plenty of organizational psych experts—agree that it starts with some basic but powerful moves: active listening, clarifying expectations for what success looks like, and carving out honest, direct space for the parties involved to air it out. Sounds simple, but it’s really a skill. And, honestly, it’s a skill you have to practice. Conflict resolution isn’t a natural talent for most—it’s a muscle you build.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

So, organizations are starting to step up by offering conflict management training, shadowing, and coaching for new leaders. Having a manager-in-training observe how a cool-headed leader de-escalates a heated moment? That’s golden. But even with training, there’s always the temptation to run to HR at the first sign of trouble. HR absolutely has experience, don’t get me wrong—but pulling them in right away can sometimes raise the stakes and, well, escalate things when mediation might’ve held things in check. Sometimes, the best thing is to empower managers at the team level, using structured tools like collaborative meeting frameworks, to sort things out before they balloon.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

It takes courage to step into those moments and, yes, sometimes you’re going to fumble your words or feel like you’re just making it all up as you go along. But the point is to have those conversations, not shy away, and not just hope conflicts will evaporate if you ignore them.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Looking back at our previous episodes, especially when we talked about transformational leadership, you might remember we said real impact isn’t just about vision—it’s about wading into the mess and building trust in tough situations. Conflict is prime territory for that.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Which brings me to my favorite topic: psychological safety and civility. There’s this misconception out there—maybe you’ve run into it—that psychological safety means everyone always agrees, or there’s no discomfort at work. In reality, it means people can be a little uncomfortable, but deep down, they trust that disagreements will be handled respectfully, not weaponized against them. You know, being able to say “I don’t agree” or “I screwed up” without fearing public shaming or some weird power play.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Organizations that get this right actually reward not just “winning” a conflict but resolving it productively. When leaders call out effective conflict navigation—“hey, thank you both for hashing this out and finding common ground”—it spreads fast. That’s the kind of positive reinforcement that shapes a culture. I worked with a nonprofit board a while back that was mired in the same argument every meeting. When we started working psychological safety into the board’s routines—making it okay to question, disagree, and own mistakes—things shifted. We weren’t just solving that one dispute; suddenly, staff were more willing to get engaged, offer suggestions, and even put in extra discretionary effort. Performance and engagement climbed, and people actually looked forward to meetings. Okay, maybe “looked forward” is an overstatement—they dreaded them less. Let’s call that progress.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

Of course, even the best culture isn’t perfect. Political and social issues don’t just vanish at the door, and with the world as it is, those conversations are happening more, not less. Leaders can’t always keep “politics” out, but you can absolutely set expectations: We’ll be civil; we’ll find ways to get work done together, no matter what. And if anyone’s actions start to cross from communication issues to performance issues, that’s a different conversation entirely.

Dr. Maryann Lamer

So that’s a wrap for today. If you’re a leader, take a close look at the style you bring to conflict, and don’t shy away from building your muscle in resolution skills. True psychological safety isn’t about avoiding the tough stuff—it’s about facing it head-on, together. Join me next time as we keep exploring more ways to make Organizational Behavior work for you—stress free, or at least, with a lot less stress than before.